Lessons from Cheating

My blog was obviously hacked on Monday by Kristal.  I think I should have her blog more often.  I laughed and cried while reading her post.  For the record, I did not kill her for anything she wrote in the post, and she was right, no DVDs or DVD players were harmed in the creation of that post.  I can say that the post is only 99% accurate...any guesses as to which part(s) wasn't?  I will leave it to your imagination. 

 

You can tell from the title of this post that I cheated.  Don't worry, I have excuse after excuse as to why I did cheat, but those are just excuses.  I am here to share the lessons I learned from yesterday (Tuesday). 

This is true for me.  Food has always served as emotional anaesthesia and gratification.  I am not sure where I learned to use food to ease pain I was feeling, but I have learned that, and yesterday was particularly painful for me.  Why?  I HAVE NO IDEA.  That is the beauty of me and the life I am living right now.  Someone who has not experienced grief will not understand this, but it is a very long process.  Yes, it has been fourteen months since my father died, and I have come a long way.  I am using the things I have experienced in my own grieving process to help others.  I can function in my every day life, but sometimes, it just knocks me out.  I missed my dad so much yesterday.  That was trigger number one for me. 

Around lunchtime yesterday, I just wanted to eat.  Everything sounded good.  I had already planned a meal for my lunch so I made it and started eating.  It was a meal that I have never had before, and I didn't particularly like it so I only ate half of it and threw it away.  I was mad that I had spent the money and time making that meal and not liking it.  That was another trigger for me.  That is when I just snapped.  I started eating.  Anything and everything I could find or make.  When I was finished, I was absolutely miserable.  I hated myself for not being able to stop. I was mad at myself because I have been working so hard, and I just threw it away in a binge. 

Again, those are the excuses for the binge eating.  What lessons did I learn from it? 

****These lessons are in no particular order other than lesson # 5 I made last because it is the most important lesson to me. 

Lesson # 1: I have three choices:

Yesterday I chose to give up and give in to temptation.  Today, I am choosing to give it my all. 

Lesson # 2:

 

I messed up yesterday.  More specifically, I messed up at lunchtime yesterday.  Did that mean I give up and throw the towel in for the day?  Nope.  I went back on track for dinner, and in addition to my normal training, I worked out to a DVD with Kristal last night. 

 

Lesson # 3: 

 

Before I started this blog and this incredible journey that I am currently on, I would let a bad day turn into a bad week.  My favorite thing to say was, "I will just start again on Monday."  Yesterday was only Tuesday.  If I went back to my original actions, that means I would have been derailed for five more days! 

 

Lesson # 4:

 

 

I could wallow in the fact that I messed up, but I am choosing to move on - while also drinking lots of water, eating fruits and vegetables, and working out.  

Lesson # 5: Turn to the One that loves me more than anything else. 

 

I didn't blog last night about this because I went to Jesus and gave Him all of this junk I was carrying.  I spent time in prayer, and these were two verses that came to me.  Yesterday when I was struggling so badly, I needed to turn to Him and not to food.  Had I done that, maybe the outcome would have been different.  I am thankful that Jesus loves me enough to teach me these lessons. 

 

This post was hard for me.  You know what else was hard for me?  Cheating.  The first thing I wanted to do this morning was jump on the scale to see what damage the cheating had done, but I fought that urge.  I didn't want that number to derail me.  I didn't like how I felt after I did it.  I didn't like knowing that the only person I cheated was myself.  I didn't like knowing that I would have to confess on here.  I cannot change if I am not accountable, and I want to let you know that these are very real struggles for me.  I am not perfect.  I am going to fail, but I will get back up.  This time is different for me.