Can You Tell For Real or Are You Just Saying That?

Wednesday evening I met some friends for dinner that I have not seen in awhile.  I was very excited about seeing them and catching up with what is going on in their lives.  I was also secretly hoping they would notice that I have lost weight.  I mean, I have been running for 8 weeks now, and I have been (for the most part) faithfully watching what I eat for five weeks using Weight Watchers.  Imagine my disappointment when they didn't say anything. 

It did come up when we were getting ready to order and I mentioned sticking to my points.  Then the girls launched into questions about how much weight I have lost and telling me I look good.  My response was, "Can you tell for real or are you just saying that?"  Because I felt like if they could have definitely seen a change they would have mentioned it.  The seed of doubt had been planted.  They did assure me they could tell and that I was looking good, but I couldn't get as excited about their compliments because I felt like they were solicited.  Does anyone else struggle with that? 

I know that I should not seek compliments or approvals from others, but I am human.  Hearing those things helps to keep me going.  Because somewhere in this lifelong struggle of mine, I have developed a warped reality of what I look like.  Yes, I have been looking at scales and in mirrors all of my life.  I know what sizes I have worn, but to me, I look the same.  Still that overweight girl I have known all of my life.  My identity has been tied to that, and while I am losing weight and working hard, I cannot see it in myself.  I think that is why I depend so much on others noticing. 

The other frustrating thing that comes along with that is that this is not a microwave process.  It seems like I was able to gain weight in a flash, but taking the weight off?  PAINFULLY SLOW.  Don't worry, I am not quitting. I have come too far to settle and gain the weight back.  I LOVE MYSELF TOO MUCH TO CONTINUE TO BE UNHEALTHY!  I just need some help changing the way I view myself. 

A dear friend posted this on FB for me:

 

I believe this statement is true with the exception of it taking four weeks to see my body changing.  Even when my jeans sizes are decreasing and clothes are fitting better, or I am fitting better into the surrounding world, I am not "seeing" my body changing.  That is something that I am going to have to work on. 

 

Thank you to those of that you are faithfully reading and commenting to me about the process.  I am excited the blog has had over 1,000 views now (half of those might be my own, though, ha, ha).  Thanks for being on this journey with me.  You help to keep me going.  Love you!