Resurrection Power

Today is Easter Sunday, and I have so much to be thankful for.  Jesus loved me so much that He came to this earth and took my sin upon the cross.  I am free from bondage because of Him so why have I lived in bondage to food for so long?  God cares about EVERY aspect of my life...including what I eat and how I exercise. 

I have been a Christian for twelve years, and I guess it has taken me this long to get to this point.  That is okay.  God has been working in other areas of my life, and now, it is time to work on this area.  That is one of the cool things about Jesus.  He loves us too much to leave us where we are.  Growing in Him means constantly changing and striving to get better, being perfected by His love. 

Today reminded me that the same power that was able to resurrect Jesus from the grave is alive in me.  What awesome power that is!  Don't believe me?  Check it out:

 

 

Or to put it another way:

 



 

If that isn't motivating, then I am not sure what else could! 



This week I am choosing to remember that this power is inside of me, and that I can use this power to help me when I am running or struggling with will power.  Thank you, Lord, for this beautiful reminder on Easter Sunday. 

Have a great and powerful week! 

P.S.  I lost 3.2 pounds this week!!

I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends

I love running.  It has been, up to this point, my alone time.  I have enjoyed the freedom of it, and I really love it now that I can do it outside, and not run around inside my house or school.  Today I had the honor of running with someone for the first time - Kristal.  She helped me pace myself.  She encouraged me and tried to get me to run faster.  She even ran behind me and said, "Pretend I have a knife and I am chasing you."  I laughed so hard, I almost peed my pants!  Working out with a friend is definitely entertaining and passes the time quickly, that is, if your friend is as funny as Kristal.  Kristal changed her tactics at that point, and she tried running in front of me and said, "Pretend you are chasing me!"  There is only one person in this world I chase around, and that is Shalom (Kristal's adorable almost three year old daughter who knows me as "Auntie Al").  I apparently screamed at Kristal, "You are not Shalom!  That is not going to work on me!"  Sometimes I get crazy while working out. 

Today was especially liberating because while we were doing our running, we actually passed some people on the trail.  I have never ever passed someone while on a trail.  I am always the person that gets passed.  Today we passed two different sets of people.  That was an awesome feeling to me.  That moment when you realize you are becoming a runner...very sweet. 

The other crazy thing I have done a couple of times this week with Kristal?  A workout DVD.  I got so burnt out on doing them that I have not wanted to do one in a long time, but working out with a friend, I did not mind doing the DVDs so much.  Some days this week I actually put in two workouts - my running/walking routine and a Jillian Michaels's workout.  Wow!  That was very empowering.  I wouldn't have done it without a friend to push me to do it and through it. 

A funny story about working out to the video this week is that at one point Shalom decided she was going to try to climb on my back while I was working out.  This, of course, made my workout even more challenging trying to balance her while doing whatever crazy move Jillian was trying to get us to do.  She kept saying, "Auntie Al, why is your neck wet?"  Trying to explain to her why I was sweating was interesting.  You know what else I realized during that balancing act?  I have lost more weight than Shalom weighs.  I kept thinking how difficult it was to work out with her on my back, but then I realized at one time, I was carrying that much weight and more on my body.  Whoa. It feels good knowing that you have lost as much weight as a small child. 

Excited about weigh-in tomorrow!  Even if the numbers do not say I have lost weight, I am feeling better about the progress I have been making. 

Who wants to run with me next? 

Can You Tell For Real or Are You Just Saying That?

Wednesday evening I met some friends for dinner that I have not seen in awhile.  I was very excited about seeing them and catching up with what is going on in their lives.  I was also secretly hoping they would notice that I have lost weight.  I mean, I have been running for 8 weeks now, and I have been (for the most part) faithfully watching what I eat for five weeks using Weight Watchers.  Imagine my disappointment when they didn't say anything. 

It did come up when we were getting ready to order and I mentioned sticking to my points.  Then the girls launched into questions about how much weight I have lost and telling me I look good.  My response was, "Can you tell for real or are you just saying that?"  Because I felt like if they could have definitely seen a change they would have mentioned it.  The seed of doubt had been planted.  They did assure me they could tell and that I was looking good, but I couldn't get as excited about their compliments because I felt like they were solicited.  Does anyone else struggle with that? 

I know that I should not seek compliments or approvals from others, but I am human.  Hearing those things helps to keep me going.  Because somewhere in this lifelong struggle of mine, I have developed a warped reality of what I look like.  Yes, I have been looking at scales and in mirrors all of my life.  I know what sizes I have worn, but to me, I look the same.  Still that overweight girl I have known all of my life.  My identity has been tied to that, and while I am losing weight and working hard, I cannot see it in myself.  I think that is why I depend so much on others noticing. 

The other frustrating thing that comes along with that is that this is not a microwave process.  It seems like I was able to gain weight in a flash, but taking the weight off?  PAINFULLY SLOW.  Don't worry, I am not quitting. I have come too far to settle and gain the weight back.  I LOVE MYSELF TOO MUCH TO CONTINUE TO BE UNHEALTHY!  I just need some help changing the way I view myself. 

A dear friend posted this on FB for me:

 

I believe this statement is true with the exception of it taking four weeks to see my body changing.  Even when my jeans sizes are decreasing and clothes are fitting better, or I am fitting better into the surrounding world, I am not "seeing" my body changing.  That is something that I am going to have to work on. 

 

Thank you to those of that you are faithfully reading and commenting to me about the process.  I am excited the blog has had over 1,000 views now (half of those might be my own, though, ha, ha).  Thanks for being on this journey with me.  You help to keep me going.  Love you!  

Lessons from Cheating

My blog was obviously hacked on Monday by Kristal.  I think I should have her blog more often.  I laughed and cried while reading her post.  For the record, I did not kill her for anything she wrote in the post, and she was right, no DVDs or DVD players were harmed in the creation of that post.  I can say that the post is only 99% accurate...any guesses as to which part(s) wasn't?  I will leave it to your imagination. 

 

You can tell from the title of this post that I cheated.  Don't worry, I have excuse after excuse as to why I did cheat, but those are just excuses.  I am here to share the lessons I learned from yesterday (Tuesday). 

This is true for me.  Food has always served as emotional anaesthesia and gratification.  I am not sure where I learned to use food to ease pain I was feeling, but I have learned that, and yesterday was particularly painful for me.  Why?  I HAVE NO IDEA.  That is the beauty of me and the life I am living right now.  Someone who has not experienced grief will not understand this, but it is a very long process.  Yes, it has been fourteen months since my father died, and I have come a long way.  I am using the things I have experienced in my own grieving process to help others.  I can function in my every day life, but sometimes, it just knocks me out.  I missed my dad so much yesterday.  That was trigger number one for me. 

Around lunchtime yesterday, I just wanted to eat.  Everything sounded good.  I had already planned a meal for my lunch so I made it and started eating.  It was a meal that I have never had before, and I didn't particularly like it so I only ate half of it and threw it away.  I was mad that I had spent the money and time making that meal and not liking it.  That was another trigger for me.  That is when I just snapped.  I started eating.  Anything and everything I could find or make.  When I was finished, I was absolutely miserable.  I hated myself for not being able to stop. I was mad at myself because I have been working so hard, and I just threw it away in a binge. 

Again, those are the excuses for the binge eating.  What lessons did I learn from it? 

****These lessons are in no particular order other than lesson # 5 I made last because it is the most important lesson to me. 

Lesson # 1: I have three choices:

Yesterday I chose to give up and give in to temptation.  Today, I am choosing to give it my all. 

Lesson # 2:

 

I messed up yesterday.  More specifically, I messed up at lunchtime yesterday.  Did that mean I give up and throw the towel in for the day?  Nope.  I went back on track for dinner, and in addition to my normal training, I worked out to a DVD with Kristal last night. 

 

Lesson # 3: 

 

Before I started this blog and this incredible journey that I am currently on, I would let a bad day turn into a bad week.  My favorite thing to say was, "I will just start again on Monday."  Yesterday was only Tuesday.  If I went back to my original actions, that means I would have been derailed for five more days! 

 

Lesson # 4:

 

 

I could wallow in the fact that I messed up, but I am choosing to move on - while also drinking lots of water, eating fruits and vegetables, and working out.  

Lesson # 5: Turn to the One that loves me more than anything else. 

 

I didn't blog last night about this because I went to Jesus and gave Him all of this junk I was carrying.  I spent time in prayer, and these were two verses that came to me.  Yesterday when I was struggling so badly, I needed to turn to Him and not to food.  Had I done that, maybe the outcome would have been different.  I am thankful that Jesus loves me enough to teach me these lessons. 

 

This post was hard for me.  You know what else was hard for me?  Cheating.  The first thing I wanted to do this morning was jump on the scale to see what damage the cheating had done, but I fought that urge.  I didn't want that number to derail me.  I didn't like how I felt after I did it.  I didn't like knowing that the only person I cheated was myself.  I didn't like knowing that I would have to confess on here.  I cannot change if I am not accountable, and I want to let you know that these are very real struggles for me.  I am not perfect.  I am going to fail, but I will get back up.  This time is different for me. 

 

 

 






Guest Blogger

Allison's blog has been hacked by the one and only Kristal.   I must tell all of Allison's readers
how proud I am of her for her hard work and dedication on this journey.  Allison is a wonderful woman, an amazing friend/partner-in-crime.  By the way, she is currently single and ready to mingle.  (she will kill me for that)

  As you readers may or may not know Allison hates DVD work-out videos.  She hates them with such passion it scares me.  You all know how emotional Allison is and when I see this kind of rage I'm not sure what to do with her. With this being said, yesterday I got to hang out with Al.  We watched our favorite Disney show,"Austin and Ally."  Had some dinner went to Meijer and out of nowhere here comes this snow.  As we were walking into Meijer, I said, "Al, you should probably stay over." Of course she freaked out because this would place her schedule into an uproar and she would not be able to work out.  I, being such a  good friend, said to her, "Allison it's going to snow really bad, we both are husband less, and if the lights go out I have a fireplace." To which she replied, "you're right."  I am so convincing and logical sometimes.  I am currently doing Jillian Michael's 90 day Body Revolution.  I love, love, love it.  I said, "Allison you are doing this with me tomorrow morning." She with much angst said, "okay but if I kill you don't blame me."  Once again I was appalled at her anger.  I just shook my head and put one of our new favorite shows in the DVD player.  We chilled, she updated her blog, and then we went to bed.  She slept on my couch in front of the fire and she watched her favorite channel, I.D.  She only uses me as her friend for my cable T.V.


6:00am comes really quick when you are sleeping so peacefully, but I knew if I did not get up I would not work out.  We are going to a Pacer game tonight and I knew if I did not workout in the morning I would not have had time to work out in the evening.  I am not a morning person.  Allison can get up at 5:00 and be done with all her work by 9:00.  Yeah, yeah, not everyone can be as cool as her. Any who, back to my story.  So I stick Jillian Michael's in the DVD and things are going smoothly when all of a sudden I look over at Allison and she is really getting into the work-out.  She is doing those bicep-hammer curls with such intensity it made me want to work harder!  Next thing I know, during the work out Allison and I are reminiscing about how I was working out at our old apartment complex fell down the stairs and had to crawl back to our apartment.  Then I complained about my shoulder hurting because once again in 2008 I rolled off the couch tangled in the blankets and popped my shoulder out of place.  I am very clumsy.  We were laughing with hilarity when all of a sudden it was time to cool down.  Allison made it without crying, and without destroying my DVD player.  She is such a great friend to work out with me. I also just found out she ran after doing Jillian. Thank goodness for surveillance cameras.....Just teasing.

I had to tell this story because Allison really is doing this!  I mean she is working hard and I know she will get to her goal even if she has to do DVD work outs she hates.  Tune in for more guest blogger appearances from me. XOXO, gossip girl, oops I mean Kristal.

Weekly Weigh-In and March Picture

I was pleasantly surprised when I got on the scale this morning and realized that I have LOST 2.6 pounds since last week!  Yippee!  I hope that I have learned my lesson.  Weight does fluctuate throughout the week due to so many things, and I just need to stick with my once a week weigh-in on Sundays.  This is easier said than done, but I have to try to make this commitment to myself so I don't get discouraged and so I don't let this number ruin my progress.  My next Weight Watchers goal is less than ten pounds away.  I want to try to reach that goal by the end of April.  Something to work towards. 

It has been one month since I have posted a full body shot of myself so it is time for this month's picture.  I decided to wear the same outfit to see if I can tell a difference.  When I put the red shirt on, it seemed like it was bigger.  That is good, but I am not sure I can tell the difference in the picture.  Maybe my April picture will be easier to tell.  I probably will not be wearing the same outfit next month, though.  I still love the teacher sweater, don't you?



February 2013

March 2013

 

It will be interesting now that I am on spring break.  I need to keep up with my workout routine, and I will be responsible for all of my meals.  I normally eat cafeteria lunches throughout the week because I can get more fresh produce that way without it going bad in my refrigerator before I can eat it all. 

 

I added a new feature to my blog.  You can subscribe to it through e-mail by entering your e-mail in the subscription box in the upper right hand side box.  Would love to have you as a subscriber! 

 

***Kristal figured out how to do the pictures side by side so I am uploading that image here.  I think I can see where I have lost weight a bit better in the side by side.  Thanks, Kristal!

 



 

Poor Planning

This morning I woke up and for the life of me, could not make myself drive to school to do my indoor run.  Perhaps it is because it is the first official day of my spring break.  I changed into warmer clothes and decided to tackle to outdoor run again today.  I wasn't prepared for this, and today I was supposed to run the distance of a 5K (3.1 miles).  I knew how many laps that was at school, but I had no idea what the distance was in my neighborhood.  I should have mapped it out in advance or even before I began my run this morning, but I didn't.  I hit the road with two shirts on, two pairs of pants, my iPod, something to cover my ears, and my stopwatch. 

For some reason, I was very tired today, and I knew my pace was down.  In fact, I am pretty sure today's run was my worst one yet, but I don't care.  I still did it.  Despite the fact that I was so tired I wanted to stay in bed, despite the fact that I am not feeling 100%, I dug my heels in and ran anyway.  My neighborhood is 1 of 3 that are connected to one another so I ran around two of those three neighborhoods.  I knew if I incorporated the third neighborhood, it would have gone over the 5K distance I was aiming for. 

I am going to be honest.  This run was hard for me.  There was a huge mental battle the entire time.  I was trying to convince myself that I only needed to run around my neighborhood and call it a day.  To "punish" myself or prove myself wrong (not sure which one) I made myself go the second neighborhood, and I am glad I did.  It just means that I didn't quit and that I didn't talk myself into cheating myself because that is the only person who would cheated in this process - me. 

When I got home I was drenched in sweat.  It might have been a little warmer than I originally thought outside and I had too many layers on, but that is okay.  I drank a bunch of water and then jumped into my car to map out the distance I had run today.  I ran 2.7 miles.  This is not the 3.1 miles I was aiming for, but it is better than what I was trying to talk myself into doing today.  This just shows me that I need to plan better so that I cover the distance I am aiming for in a run. 

This was my worst time, but at least I did it!  Here are my official results:

 

I really want to run outside now and prepare for being outdoors.  I think I will get better at running outdoors once I do it more often.  Indiana weather is not corporating with me, though.  If we get all this snow the meteorologists are predicting, I will not be running outside this week.  Sigh.  The silver lining is that at least I will still be running. 

Glass Cage of Emotion

Those of you that are Anchorman fans like myself will know that reference, and while I love that movie and quote it often, I literally felt like I was in my own glass cage of emotion bawling like a baby like Ron Burgundy this morning.  I just hope I was a little more graceful about my breakdown than he was.  What caused this emotional outburst?  Did a bad man kick my dog off a bridge?  Nope.  I got on the scale.

Now, you have already figured out that I broke one of my goals this week and that was to only weigh myself on my official Weight Watchers weigh-in day which happens to be on Sundays.  I had good intentions, though!  You see, I was participating in my school's Biggest Loser competition.  We started this competition after Christmas break, and our final weigh-in was today.  Technically I should not have made that goal because I knew I had to do a weigh-in for this competition, but I digress.  I decided to weigh myself this morning because I wanted to see how much different my scale is from the one I had to use in the nurse's office (or that was my excuse for wanting to weigh myself to see my progress).

I woke up this morning, jumped on the scale expecting BIG changes, and instantly burst into tears.  I may have (using "may have" since my official weigh-in day is not until Sunday) gained another pound.  In my head I lamented on and on about how hard I had worked this week.

I have:
- tracked points
- worked out according to my schedule
- eaten lots of vegetables and fruits
- not touched ONE PIECE of candy or ice cream (and trust me, the candy and ice cream were plentiful in the lounge this week)
- ate my salad while a delicious nacho bar was offered in the lounge on Wednesday of this week
- drank lots of water

I said things in my head like, "Why do I even bother?" or "Why didn't I enjoy some candy, ice cream, or the nacho bar?"  My favorite thing I said to myself, "What's the point of working so hard when I am gaining weight anyway?"  Those are some pretty depressing thoughts - thoughts that wasted absolutely no time popping into my head. 

I drove to work and weighed in for the competition.  I was grumpy as I reported my weight to the nurse (even though I had lost weight since it started in January...something I should be proud of).  I was grumpy as I grumbled to my friend Carrie about possibly gaining a pound this week.  For those of you who don't know Carrie, she is an amazing friend that is known for her filter, or more for her lack of filter.  She has a way to tell things like they are without any sort of malice.  She is very sweet and very supportive, and I value her opinion a lot.  She pretty much put me in my place rightfully so.  She told me that all of the things I did throughout the week were huge successes that I should be celebrating.  Carrie went on to say that I am making positive changes. She told me that weight is just a number, and that I should not let that one number get me down.  I fired back something along the lines of that is easier said then done when I have been letting that one number define me my entire life.  Her response was quick and to the point, "Whose fault is that?" 

Ugh!  I hate when Carrie is right!

****Insert side note here**** Carrie, I love you and very much appreciate your friendship and wisdom! 

Carrie reminded me that this is an ongoing thing.  I need to celebrate all of my successes.  She pointed out that me not succumbing to the temptations in the lounge this week were HUGE.  Why is it so easy for someone else to see this and celebrate it, and I cannot?  I need to get rid of my "stinkin' thinkin'" as my pastor would say.  I cannot get derailed.  I must stay focused.  I will be spending some time reflecting on all of the positive changes I have made over the past couple of months. 

I am going to leave this blog entry with a little bit of humor:

Some May Say I'm a Dreamer

Or maybe not.  The reason I have not been a dreamer is because of my weight.  Somehow I believed that I don't get to dream.  I don't deserve dreams to come true because I am fat.  I know it may sound crazy, but I have let my weight hold me back in so many areas. 

Lucky for me, I am definitely surrounded by dreamers.  Loved ones and friends who believe in me even when I couldn't believe in myself.  People who want the very best for me and think I deserve the best even when I don't.

One dreamer in particular is very influential to me, and that is my best friend Kristal.  She is the friend that is honest with me and helps me set goals.  Goals I would never originally set for myself because I didn't think I could achieve them.  We were talking the other day and she suggested that I try to run the Mini in Indy in 2014.  That is something that I would never consider doing before, and now, that is a realistic goal that I want to work to achieve! 

So, some NOW may say I'm a dreamer...we will see!

Sleeping In

This is the first morning since I have begun training that I kept hitting snooze and did not get up at my 5 a.m. alarm.  I didn't drag myself out of bed until 7:15 this morning!  Yikes!  That meant there was absolutely NO WAY I could work out this morning before work.  This also is the perfect reason as to why I have to get up and work out in the morning.  All day during work I kept thinking I have to leave as soon as the kids do so I can go home and work out.  I knew if I waited too much longer after that I would find every excuse not to work out.  It was on my mind all day long because I did not want to miss a day.  I have been going strong for seven weeks...why miss a day now?  It really is a mental attitude, but for me, I simply prefer getting up in the morning and working out immediately so I can get it over with...no excuses! 

I had dinner with a friend tonight.  She wanted to talk with me about what I was doing to lose weight.  I felt honored to be having this conversation with her, and I am excited to help her in her own journey of setting healthy goals and achieving them. 

I am by NO MEANS an expert at this.  I am muddling my way through my own journey.  If I had to give advice to anyone right now, it would be that whatever you decide to do, stick with it!  And, that you have to do what works for you, not necessarily what works for someone else.  For example, I used to be able to work out using DVDs.  I must have burnt myself out on them because the thought of putting a workout DVD in my DVD player literally makes me want to throw my DVD player across the room - violent but true!  If someone told me I needed to do workout DVDs to lose weight, I wouldn't do it.  It just doesn't work for me right now.  Maybe someday I will not be so repulsed by them, but as of Tuesday, March 19, 2013, they make me cringe! 

Another friend recommended this blog to me, and I am hooked for three reasons. 

1.  52 marathons in 52 weeks?!?!?!  That is amazing!
2.  She is bringing awareness to a cause near and dear to my heart - raising awareness about pancreatic cancer. 
3.  She, like me, lost her father to this terrible disease. 

Julie Weiss is an inspiration to me!  Check it out:

http://marathongoddess.com/

The Post I Have Been Dreading

It has finally happened.  I have been dreading this.  I gained weight this week.  I gained 1.4 pounds.  I was so disappointed in myself when I climbed on the scale.  I cried (although I cry easily...I am an emotional girl!).  I am worried about letting my supporters down, and more importantly, I am worried about letting myself down.  Here I am.  At a point where I can give up and quit and gain weight back, or I can continue pressing forward towards the prize.  I am determined to be different this time.  I am choosing me. 

 

When I entered my weight, a little message popped up on Weight Watchers.  It said:

 

Look back at this week and see what you might be able to change; then let go of what you can't. The best thing to do is focus on is making this coming week a success. 

 

Looking back at this past week, these are the things I think I did (or didn't do) that contributed to gaining weight:

*I was not as consistent with tracking my WW points.

*I went out to eat more this week than I have in previous weeks.

*I didn't drink as much water as I should.

*I weighed myself almost daily. 

 

I LOVE that the WW message says to let go of what you can't change.  I need to do that.  I am letting go of this week's weight gain, and I am focusing on the positive things that I accomplished this week and that I want to accomplish next week. 

Positives from this week:

*I ran 4.5 miles!

*I worked out every day with the exception of my one rest day!

*I can wear knee high socks now!

*My favorite jeans fit me a little better now!

 

My goals for this week:

*Do a better job of tracking my WW points.

*Drink half my body weight in water.

*Continue with my training program (which means my running / walking increments will be 30 seconds each)

*Weigh myself only on my weigh-in day.

 

I hope that focusing on the positive and not dwelling on the negative will help me to retrain my brain.  I found this verse in the Bible, and I have read it many times before, but I know that it is speaking to where I am and my commitment to my weight loss journey.  Here it is:

 

 

Help me, Lord, to always commit my plans to You.  I want to succeed.  I know that I am going to get knocked down.  I know this is a journey and a life style change.  I will not lose weight every week, but I will keep going.  



 

Who Loves Knee Socks?

This girl!  I know, crazy to love knee socks, but I think you would, too, if you were not able to pull them up over your calves for as long as you can remember.  As of Friday, I could pull my knee socks up.  Want to see?

I was very excited!  So much so that I dug through my sock drawer this morning and found another pair of knee socks to wear today.  I may just be the crazy girl wearing knee socks in the middle of a hot Indiana summer.  We'll see. 

I did my longest run yet this morning.  Originally I planned to do it outside.  I even mapped out my course last night.  This morning I decided to run inside because I needed to get it done pretty early this morning.  Early enough that is was still dark out - safety first!  I drove to the place that I do my indoor long runs, and began the long four and a half mile trek that was on my training schedule today. 

I rocked the run today!  I am SO HAPPY!  Here are my results:

It took me one hour and fourteen minutes to complete, and my pacing has improved.  Woo-hoo! 

This run I decided to chart my pacing to see how much time it took me for each mile.  Here are those results:

 

These results make sense to me.  My first mile was definitely my best mile.  I slowed down as my miles increased.  However, each mile was still faster than my time last week.  Yippee!

 

Four and a half miles is a long distance.  I feel so much better now that I have done it.  I am stronger than I think I am.  I can do this.  I can be a better, healthier, happier me.  I saw this, and it made me laugh.  It is also a goal of mine so I thought I would share it on here:

 



'Atta Girl

I am excited to have registered for the Electric Run on October 5th.  It will be held at the Indiana State Fairgrounds at 8:00 p.m.  This 5K looks like so much fun...almost too much fun.  Will we even be running it, or just enjoying the awesome light show? 

Registration opened this morning, and I knew that I was going to register.  I even have some friends that are signing up, too.  So, I needed a team name.  I e-mailed my friend Lori to ask her for some ideas.  She had quite a few...many that were promising.  Lori even came up with team names that related to this blog.  She also came up with 'Atta Girl, and I fell in love with it immediately.  Because let's face it, we all need an 'Atta Girl every now and then. 

I need at least four people to join 'Atta Girl.  I think I already have one person signed up (thank you, Lori), and I believe in the more the merrier!  If you join the team I promise to give you an 'Atta Girl! 

Why Am I So Sore?

I woke up this morning and I was sore - my shoulders, my arms, my back.  I racked my brain trying to figure out what in the world I did that would make me sore.  Yesterday I ran / walked for 30 minutes and that has not made my upper body sore before.  I did some arm work with weights while I walked on Sunday, but I didn't think I would be sore today (Tuesday) because of that.  I even considered if I slept weird and that would make me sore, but I didn't think that was it either. 

Then it hit me.  I did push ups yesterday - a crazy amount of push ups for me since I haven't done them in forever.  Let me back up...every Monday I introduce new wall words to my kids.  We practice spelling them doing some sort of action.  Usually my kids pick things like dribbling a basketball, kicking a soccer ball, or karate moves.  This day was different, though.  One of my little boys raised his hand and suggested we do push ups for each letter in the word.  I immediately agreed (even though some of my children groaned), and we started practicing spelling our words while doing push ups. These word wall words were forever long!  The words were:

second
sentence
shook
sometimes
sports

Which means I did 34 push ups yesterday (one for each letter in each of the words).  I did actual push ups and not the modified version.  That does not sound like a lot, but apparently it was for me! This has shown me that I need to do incorporate some push ups in my training.  I think the days that I walk for 30 minutes, I will also do some push ups to build strength in my arms. 

So, yes, I am sore, but I realized something else about myself.  When the child suggested push ups, I didn't hesitate to participate.  I dropped to the ground and did them just like one of the kids.  The old Allison would not have done that.  I would have just monitored them while they were doing them because I would have been afraid of making a fool of myself in front of a room full of kids.  I would have been afraid that I couldn't do them.  I did them.  I am sore, but I want to keep going. 

First Run Outside

Yesterday morning the sun was shining, the snow was almost all of the way melted, and I just didn't feel like driving out to the place I normally run.  I decided to be brave, bundle up, and attempt my first run outdoors.  I jumped in my car to map out my course so I knew the distance I needed to run.  Once I had that decided, I began.  It was different being outside and running in my neighborhood.  When running inside, I had certain milestones I would pass and could gauge my pace.  When running outside, I didn't have those.  I still really liked being outside, and I am hoping the Indiana weather has decided to continue to get warm and stay warm so I can do this more!  So, below is my surprising results:

 

 

Why are my results surprising to me?  I think they were actually more disappointing then surprising.  I thought for sure my pace would be better since this is the fifth week of my training.  When I calculated and saw that it was my worst pace yet, I was disappointed.  I started dwelling on that disappointment and becoming discouraged.  Why?  Why would I do that when I have been working so hard?  I have been having amazing results, and I still get disappointed in myself. 

 

I was still feeling down about my results when I went to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network Indianapolis Affiliate meeting Saturday.  I am still amazed how God uses other people and places them in my life to say something exactly when I need it.  The first person was Randi who mentioned to me that she had read my blog, and that was huge for me because she is someone that enjoys running and has trained for the Mini in Indy.  The second one was Stacy.  I had a nice conversation with her about making lifestyle changes.  She was very positive and uplifting...exactly what I needed at the time.  I am not even sure that these two ladies knew how helpful they were being to me at the time, but wow, did it ever help put me back in a more positive mindset. 

 

I saw this and thought it pretty much summed up my day yesterday:  

 

 

This morning I weighed in, and I lost another 4.4 pounds this week!  I am very excited about this, but Weight Watchers is not so excited.  I keep getting alerts that I am losing weight too quickly.  The thing is, I am following the plan, and I am working out.  I have a lot of weight to lose so is it really a bad thing that I lost 12 pounds in three weeks? 

 

Tomorrow begins my sixth week of training with 25 seconds running, and 35 seconds walking all week.  Saturday will be a 4.5 mile run/walk.  Whew!  I have some work to do this week!  

Bulletin Board Inspiration

Working in an elementary school has its perks.  I have been noticing that inspiration can come from all sorts of places.  Check out some things I found around school that help keep me motivated. 

 

 

This bulletin board is a reminder that this is really a battle of the mind.  I have to stay focused and stay positive.  If I become discouraging in my thoughts, I will not be successful.  

 

 

This reminds me that I need to pace myself in all things.  I am not going to achieve my fitness goals quickly.  I am not going to be able to run a race with a seven minute mile right now, and I am not going to become a size smaller overnight. I need to pace myself.  Pacing will help me not to get overwhelmed, frustrated, and quit.  

 

 

This reminds me that YES, I can do it!  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  I am going to keep repeating that verse over and over while running. 

 

A special shout out to Mike and Tisha for both saying today that they can tell I have been losing weight.  It is difficult for me to see it so I appreciate it so much when people just come up and say something to me. 

 

Tomorrow is my day of rest, and then I am doing a two mile run on Saturday.  Any predictions on what my mile time will be? 

Temptation

Oh my word!  These last two days are about to be the undoing of me!  First of all, I was minding my own business yesterday when I went to lunch and saw that our lunch room was filled with cupcakes.  CUPCAKES!  Do you know how much I love cupcakes?!?!?!  I immediately began weighing the pros and cons in my head as to whether I should eat one.  The first reason I came up with for not eating one is that they were chocolate cupcakes, and I like vanilla cupcakes much better.  One look at the next cupcake tray, and I realized that reason was no longer good as the vanilla cupcakes stared at me...begging for me to eat them!  I heard them calling my name.  AAAHHHHH!!!!!

I sat down at the table and began eating my lunch.  The entire thirty minutes I had a battle raging in my head as to whether or not I would eat one.  I finally told my friends, "Don't let me eat one."  They told me they wouldn't, but the war kept going.  I ate my lunch very slowly and by the time I was done, lunch was over.  I had to move on, and luckily, away from the cupcakes.  The thing with me is that if I would have eaten a cupcake, it would have opened this floodgate, and I am not sure I would have stopped at just one.  Mission accomplished: cupcake(s) avoided!

Then today I just had a bad day.  A really stinky, bad day.  What would I normally do when I have a bad day at work?  Eat.  A lot.  Whatever I want.  Binge.  Drown my sorrows in food.  All the way home I listened to some praise and worship music and just prayed. 

You know what came to my mind?  This quote:

This is a favorite saying of my pastor, and that is what kept coming to my head as I prayed.  I can choose to do what I have always done and eat when I am having a bad day, but then NOTHING will change.  I will continue to feel bad about myself and undo some of the positive changes that I have been making.  Instead of eating like crazy when I came home, I decided to write this blog. 

I am learning new things about myself.  I know that I will make mistakes along the way, and that is okay.  I am just not making those mistakes today! 

Places I Dread

Friday I went to the Chris Tomlin concert at Banker's Life Fieldhouse.  As I was driving with my friend downtown, I realized that I was not looking forward to going.  Not because of the performer, I love Chris Tomlin, but because of where we were going.  Then I started thinking about all of the places I hate going to or doing because of my size.  Places like concerts, places where there are large crowds, places with chairs with arms on them like movie theaters or concert venues or airplanes, restaurants where the tables are so close to each other.  I hate being in crowds where people bump into me, and for some reason, I think they blame me because of my weight.  I just want to blend in and not feel like I stick out since I am overweight.  I want to be able to not worry about whether or not I can sit comfortably in a chair with arms on it!  I know it is crazy but I went to a concert in Chicago in 2009 and I went to sit down and it was so painfully uncomfortable for me.  The arms were pressing into me.  I was miserable, and in pain.  I cannot remember since it was almost four years ago, but it might have even left me bruised.  I kept having flashbacks of that terrible experience on our way downtown.  My plan was to just stay standing. I mean, it is a concert, who sits down anyway? 

We found our seats and I was happy to be sitting on the end.  However, I was still bumped repeatedly by people walking in the aisles up and down the stairs.  Kari Jobe finished her opening set and there was a brief intermission while the stage was reset.  What did everyone do?  Sit down, of course!  Ugh!  I closed my eyes and took the plunge, preparing to stuff myself as best as I could into the seat.  You could imagine my pleasant surprise when I could do it - comfortably!  My eyes filled with happy tears which I quickly blinked away.  Progress!  Real, tangible progress!

Sundays are weekly weigh-in days.  Throughout January I dreaded those days.  Last week I was excited to lose four pounds.  This week I was even more surprised when I lost ANOTHER four pounds...4.4 pounds to be exact!  My weekly target points have decreased by one point which I need to be mindful of when I plan my meals for this week.  I know that future weigh-ins will not be as successful, and I just have to be mindful of that and not become discouraged.  This is a process. 

I was pretty sore last night after my four mile run/walk.  I was sore this morning, too.  My schedule said that I could rest or walk for 30 minutes.  I decided to walk for 30 minutes because my muscles feel less sore when I walk and stretch them out after my long runs on Saturdays.  I did walk for 30 minutes, and I also popped some ibuprofen this morning.  I am not sure at all now.  Tomorrow I run/walk for 30 minutes. The timing interval increases. I run for 25 seconds and walk for 35 seconds, repeating this same pattern the entire 30 minutes.  I am looking forward to spring when I can do this outside, but for now, working out indoors will do. 

I have received text messages, Facebook messages, comments on Facebook, etc., that have surprised me.  People that I had no idea would take the time to read my blog, let alone take time to send me a message, have just meant so very much to me.  While I am not going to publish those comments or messages on here, I want those people to know that they do mean so much to me, and that I do write them down in my own personal journal.  I am going to give a public shout out to Marci for being the first person and Kristi for being the second person to comment on the blog.  Thank you, Girls, for doing that!  And thanks to EVERYONE that has checked out the blog.  YOU are my inspiration!

Four Mile Run/Walk

I DID IT!  I RAN/WALKED FOUR MILES TODAY!!!!!!  I am just a tad bit excited because all week I was secretly (and maybe not so secretly to some of you) dreading it.  I mean, four miles....that is longer than an official 5K! 

But you know what made me do it?  Each and every one of you who are reading this blog right now.  I am drawing strength and encouragement and motivation from you.  I cannot thank you enough for those who are taking time to read this, who are talking to me about it, who are asking me about it, who are blessing me with prayers and words of encouragement.  I truly am surrounded with amazing people that God has put in my life. 

Now, the four miles was not without problems.  My iPod died on me on the 20th lap which means that I went four more laps without any music.  I had no idea how much I enjoyed working out to music until I was forced to do it without.  I persevered, though (it must have been the lesson on perseverance I heard yesterday...thank you, Stacey!).  I also started out all ready to go and I could feel my pace slowing down the further I went.  That is okay, though, because I still made excellent time with my FOUR miles. 

Here are my results:

Woo-hoo!