Big Change!

It is time to make it blog official!  I have recently resigned from my position at school and have taken a new position at my church to start a daycare/preschool and eventually grow the program to an elementary school.  This decision came after careful consideration of pros and cons (yes, I made that list), but most importantly, after much prayer and seeking God's will for my life.  That has led me here...to one of the biggest changes in my life and at times, one of the scariest changes.  However, one thing has been whispered to me over and over...Trust Me. And at this point, I have nothing left but to trust.

Why has it been scary?  Well, simply because I have taught in the same place for the past 13 years...all of my professional career.  It is all I have ever known.  I have been blessed with many great relationships there with children, parents, and staff members.  I have loved seeing how my young, sweet children that I had in school have started becoming young adults - one of the blessings of social media.  I worked there during some of the happiest times of my life and also through some of the saddest/darkest times of my life.  The outpouring of support I received from my school community when my father passed away will never be forgotten, and it was a tremendous light to me when all I could see was darkness.  However, I have to remember that I am not leaving those memories or those relationships, I am just leaving the building.

This has been a dream of mine for years.  I remember going to a Christian daycare before and after school when I was younger, and I loved it!  The women that worked there saw something in me even at that small age that I believe has helped to point me in the direction I chose as an adult.  They saw even then how much I enjoyed working with children, and my "reward" was tutoring and working with the younger kids.  Best. Reward. Ever.

I know that my love for children and for teaching is a gift from God.  One that I want to honor Him with at all times.  I have gone to my church for almost 16 years now, and my pastor has mentioned numerous times that this was a vision of his.  Every time he would mention it, I would feel that little nudge in my spirit, but I wasn't ready.  I did things to prepare myself - like going to school and getting my administrator's license - but I always thought this was something I would pursue later in life.  I thought I would do this when I was married and had children of my own or when I was a little more financially secure.  But God's timing is not my timing.  Something I am learning over and over through this.

For the past several months the Lord had been dealing with me in doing more for Him, something different for Him, using my gifts, trusting Him, not waiting for perfect circumstances, and the list goes on and on and on.  Then one day at lunch my pastor said something to me about starting the daycare/preschool at church, and I knew.  It was time.  God used my pastor to speak so many things to me while I was making this decision through his Sunday's messages.  One of my favorite quotes was this one:

This is exactly where I was.  Change is hard even when you know it is God's will for your life.  I am stepping out in faith, and I am believing that great things will happen - all for God's glory!

I appreciate all of the support and any and all prayers through this new journey of mine!  I am very excited to be opening The Blended Tots daycare SOON!

1,000 Mile Challenge

You know how I love a good challenge!  Last summer I completed 75 miles in the month of July.  I set a goal, I worked at it, and I reached my goal.  Setting and accomplishing goals makes me feel so good.  That is when I saw this challenge I knew I had to check it out.

What challenge is it?  It is the 1,000 mile challenge - 1,000 miles in one year.  The challenge is to walk, run, skip, etc. 1,000 miles starting June 6, 2015 and ending June 5, 2016.  You can track your steps by using a pedometer, running / walking apps, Fit Bit, Vivo Fit, or other tracking device.  I will be using my Vivo Fit to track my miles.   If 1,000 miles seems like too much, you can form a team and divide the 1,000 miles between your team.  It averages out to walking 2.73 miles per day.  That seems doable, right?

The best part about this challenge is that if you do it, and register online using the website, 50% of your registration fee is donated to a charity.  You can select your charity from a list of partner charities.  You even have a chance to earn extra donation money by using a specific tracking app.  I probably won't do this just because I don't want to use the data to run the app each time.

One reason I was so successful with my 75 miles in July challenge is because I had people completing it with me.  There truly is strength in numbers.  I have one friend signed up.  I would love to see more!  Here is the link for the 1,000 mile challenge if anyone is interested in completing it.  Act quick!  Registration ends at the end of June.

1,000 Mile Challenge


Set a goal, make a plan, and work at it!  Action!

P.S.  I will be looking for people to help by walking/running with me...any takers?

Thank you, Anonymous!

Well, it has been awhile.  My last post was the end of March.  April and May kept me pretty busy with the end of the school year, but I could have made time to post.  The problem is that I lost focus.  I didn't make it a priority.

My word for 2015 is action.  During the month of May in particular, there was a gap between my intention and action, and it all boiled down to one word - priorities.  I found this quote and it really made me start thinking:

Your action (or in my case lack of) expresses your priorities.  My inaction for the month of May showed that my priorities changed.  I no longer was making myself a priority, and I was suffering because of it - mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally.  All facets of my life were affected by my inaction.

I am not sorry that I lost focus in May.  It was another learning experience for me.  It has taught me that if I don't make myself a priority that I cannot be my best self.  If I am not my best self, then all of my family, friends, ministries suffer.  I am just giving them all different broken pieces of me.

One priority I let go is blogging.  Then, one day I had an e-mail saying I had a comment on my blog.  I thought this was strange since I hadn't made blogging a priority, and then I went to check the comment out.  The comment said:

I was blown away for a number of reasons.  One, this particular post was written on August 26, 2013 - almost two years ago.  Another is that it reminded me why I blog.  I blog to sort through my feelings and struggles, but I also blog so that other people know they are not alone in this journey.  I mean, here is this person that probably did the same thing I did (which for those people that didn't know I googled whether or not fat people could complete the Warrior Dash, completed my first Warrior Dash, and then shared my experience) and stumbled upon my blog.  I hate that this person left an anonymous comment because I would love to follow up with him / her and see how the Warrior Dash went for him / her.  I want to thank this person for commenting because this anonymous person reminded me that I needed to start blogging again and sharing my journey - no matter how messy and off track it can be.  It reminded me that we need people to encourage us and be real with us and share the struggle with us.

That brings me to my goal for June.

So what does making me a priority look like?  It means that I am back to meal planning and that I schedule time to meal plan.  It means that I workout daily, no excuses.  It means that I work on my blog - even if it takes time.  For example, I have been working on this post for several days now. It also means that I become better about using my passion planner so that I achieve the goals that I set for 2015.  It means that I have to commit to myself and maybe say no right now to some other things.

I absolutely love this quote and plan on printing it off and putting it in different places to remind me what I have to do.  

Thank you, Anonymous, for helping me to get back on track!  I know you rocked your Warrior Dash!   .  

My, How I've Grown

It has been awhile since I have blogged, and now that my spring break has officially started, I have time to get back to something I love - writing and blogging about my journey.  In the weeks I have not posted, I have made notes about upcoming blog posts so no worries, I have plenty to write about.

Today, though, I just want to share something.  Something that I noticed this week.  Something that the more I think about it the more I am really proud of myself.  Somewhere along the way of this healthy food journey, I have changed.  I can't pinpoint when it happened but this week it became evident that it did.

This week I have not been the best at following my food plan.  First of all, I didn't plan out my meals for the week like I usually do, and to make it worse, I was really, really busy and hardly at home.  Needless to say, my eating suffered.  Normally, I would spiral out of control and use it as an excuse to binge as much as possible.  That is when I noticed that this time I did not do that.  Did I still make some poor food choices?  Yes.  Am I beating myself up over it and continuing to punish myself by binge eating as much as humanly possible? No.  After each poor food choice that I made, I made a conscious effort to make better ones at the very next meal.  That is growth.

Even though I was busy and not prepared on the food end, I still made working out a priority.  I continued to wake up early and workout every morning.  That felt pretty amazing.

So I noticed that I am more forgiving of myself.  I don't have the all or nothing mentality that has sabotaged me my entire life.  I have finally realized that this is a journey and it is going to have bumps and bruises along the way.  I just needed to change my reactions to those bumps and bruises. Somewhere along the way I have done that, and I couldn't be prouder.

March Challenge

Well, hello March!  I love that today is March 1st and we had over 7 inches of snow here in Indy.  I was so lucky that I got to shovel my driveway not once but twice today!  Waking up on March 1st to this much snow reminded me of the saying: 

Then I came across this beauty:

And I knew.  I knew that with this month comes a chance for me to enter beast mode.  I am at that point in my journey that I have been at many times before.  I see success for awhile and then either I become complacent or discouraged or distracted and I end up falling off the wagon and gaining the weight back and sometimes even more weight with it.  

Not this time.  

Something I am going to try is a new photo challenge for the month of March - one that I hope will be fun even though I know it is going to be challenging at times for me.  I found the challenge on Pinterest and decided to give it a try..  Here it is:

So, there it is - the photo challenge.  I started it today and plan on continuing it daily for the month of March.  On the 31st day of March, I plan on posting a picture of how much weight I lost during the month.  

I posted my first picture today.  I went back and forth a lot on how many pounds I wanted to lose this month.  I wanted it to be achievable but also something that I had to work at.  Since I posted the picture I have had doubts on whether or not I can achieve the goal I set.  It doesn't matter now - I put it out there, and I am going into beast mode to achieve it!  

Anyone else want to do this photo challenge with me?    

Not By My Strength

Okay, I have a confession.  I am weak...so weak.  Every single day is a battle.  I wage war in my thoughts, in my surroundings, and in my actions.  I want to quit.  I want to sleep in and not work out in the mornings.  I want to return to former eating habits - mainly eating out or grabbing fast food on the way home for dinner.

But I don't.  It has nothing to do with me, and it has absolutely everything to do with Him - Jesus.

 
Thank God for this verse!  How many of us are weak and weary?  How many of us need strength and power?  In at least one aspect of our lives, I think we ALL can say that we are weak and need an increase in power.

This week this was brought to my attention time and time again.  I had so much going on - busy evenings, had to attend a funeral that brought back many memories of my own father's funeral, had headaches and was tired most of the week.  There were times this week I wanted to turn my alarm off or hit snooze just one more time.  On Thursday this week it was a huge mental battle for me.  All afternoon at school I just started thinking about stopping at Steak-N-Shake on the way home and grabbing my dinner.  What did I do instead?  I prayed.  Hard.  Then I drove right by that restaurant and every other restaurant on the way home, and I ate the meal I had prepared earlier in the week.

I love Jesus, and my ultimate motivation to get healthy is for Him.  So I can be better used for His purposes.  I saw a quote once, and I continue to come back to it time and time again.

Lord, help me to always honor You in all that I do.

Non-Scale Victories

Last week I kept noticing non-scale victories, and on Sunday, I figured out why.  I didn't lose very much weight.  I still lost weight - but I lost less than one pound - 0.8 of a pound to be exact.  This is by far the smallest amount of weight I have lost since I began taking control of my life and actively working towards a healthy lifestyle.

Old Allison would have been bummed.  I know - ridiculous.  New Allison celebrated that small victory, but she was also so thankful that the she was reminded of all of the non-scale victories throughout the week.

What is a non-scale victory?  You will sometimes see it abbreviated as NSV.  It simply means that you notice other changes in your healthy lifestyle journey that are not related to the  number on the scale.  Here are some examples of non-scale victories: 

So what were some of my non-scale victories?

*A pair of pants that I would wear but couldn't get zipped all of a sudden were able to be zipped last week.
*I went from wearing jeans with elastic to jeans that zip. Jeans that previously did not fit me!
*I was able to increase the weight of the weights I was using in my workouts.
*I noticed while I was working out last week that my legs looked more slender and so did my ankles.  See?

 

*I don't have exact measurements yet (because I plan on taking them on Sunday or Monday), but I KNOW that I have lost inches, particularly around my waist.  

*Saying no to junk, junk that has ruled my life for longer than I care to remember, is not as tempting as it once was.

*And the best non-scale victory?  People are starting to notice and comment on it - lots of people! I. LOVE. IT.  That is probably the most encouraging thing to me right now.  

I think these non-scale victories are important to document so that when I do get discouraged I can reflect back on how far I have come.  I am striving to remember this:

Treat Yourself

One thing I firmly believe in is that you have to treat yourself so I do just that.  I set a goal each week, and if I accomplish that goal I reward myself.  My rewards have specific qualifications:

*something I want (obviously)
*not too expensive (since I am rewarding myself weekly..that could add up, and this girl is on a budget!)
*has to fit in my overall goal of becoming the best version of me (workout equipment, clothes, kitchen gadgets, etc.)

There is ONE no-no when it comes to rewarding myself.  It CANNOT be food.

I have been eating healthier, planning my meals, and working out consistently now for four weeks. That means I have earned four rewards!  My rewards so far have been:

Week 1: new cutting board and measuring cups
Week 2: new super cute leggings
Week 3: heavier pair of weights
Week 4: new water bottle

Some future rewards I am thinking about are some new jeans, iTunes gift card to download some new music, new running socks, and some other things.  When I am shopping if I want something I jot it down as a future reward.  This has been brilliant for me because it has also cut down on my impulse buying.

Filling out a calendar with my goals and recording my workouts has been great for me, too!  There is something about seeing an entire month filled out with daily workouts - it is empowering!  

What about you? Do you reward yourself when you meet goals?  What are some of your rewards?  I would love to hear some ideas!    

Three Years Ago Today...

Three years ago today...
1,095 days ago...
26,280 hours ago...

I held the hand of my father and watched as he passed from this life to eternal glory.  It was, and to this day remains, the worst day of my life.  While part of me was so happy that his twenty-two month battle with pancreatic cancer was over and he was finally before Jesus in a completely healed body, the bigger part of me grieved, and continues to grieve because he is no longer with me.

I lost so much that day:
father
friend
confidant
handyman
counselor
provider
advice giver
listener
protector
and the list goes on and on.

Will my grief ever be gone?  Probably not.  I mean I lost someone who meant so much to me - more than a mere blog post can adequately explain.   The aftermath of grief on me personally and in my family has continued to have a ripple effect each day that passes.

I think what has changed is the way I am dealing with my grief.  I realized for a long time that I was not handling it at all.  I was avoiding it which was making me grumpy, short-tempered, losing my focus, fragmenting relationships, making me moody, and medicating myself with things like food and laziness.  My bed was my best friend because I could sleep, sometimes the whole evening, or if it were a weekend, the entire day away.  For awhile I turned to running to help me cope, or I threw myself into my job and would spend long days and weekends there to escape. Even those things didn't help the overwhelming crashes and waves of depression that were causing me to drown.  So, I gave up.  I succumbed to the depression.  Time continued to pass quickly, and it didn't bring my dad back or make me feel any better.

What I was doing wasn't working.  I realized that and started getting help for myself.  Now, when I am sad I deal with the sadness instead of pushing it away or ignoring it.  Three years later, I can say that there are times when I am still so sad, but I can look back and smile more at the memories of my father than be saddened by them.  I am turning to the Lord in my time of need instead of trying to handle it myself - something I should have been doing all along.

My dad was one special guy.  I was so fortunate to have him as my father and to have him in my life for the time he was there.  I would love to hear his voice again or to see his smile or to give him a high-foot when the Colts score a touchdown, but for now, I just have to rest in the knowledge that I will see him again one day.

I miss and love you, Dad!

Mind Games

This past week has been one mental battle after another.  I mean, if you saw all of the thoughts in my head, you would call me crazy!

The first battle that came up and I have to deal with continuously is the scale.  Now, since I have started eating healthier and working out consistently, I have lost weight.  I lost weight my first week and I lost weight my second week.  Reason to celebrate, right?  One would think...but do you know what I wrestled with?  I was disappointed that I did not lose as much the second week as I did the first week.  Seriously?!?!?  What is wrong with me?  It is that kind of thinking that I HAVE to change, or I will sabotage myself in this journey.  

I know that some would suggest to me that I shouldn't weigh myself, and that might work for some people.  At this point, I don't think it will work for me.  I am still learning how to eat better and I want to make sure that I am doing it right.  Weighing in will help me with that.  I just need to make sure I only weigh in once a week and not climb on the scale multiple times throughout the week. Another reason is that I am participating in a weight loss competition, and I am required to weigh-in. I joined the competition as yet another way to keep me accountable.  

Another mental battle I fought this week is dessert - more specifically cake, even more specifically wedding cake.  

I was at a wedding, and of course, I knew that wedding cake would be involved.  I already passed one test by filling three-fourths of my plate with vegetables and salad and the other fourth of the plate with cheese tortellini and a small piece of garlic bread.  Old Allison would have filled three-fourths of her plate with cheese tortellini and tons of garlic bread, and then if there was room, put some veggies or salad on the plate.  You would have thought that small victory would have made this mental battle easier, but it didn't.  

In fact, I am almost sure it made it worse.  I started thinking things like you were good at dinner so what is one piece of wedding cake?  Or, how many weddings are there?  Wedding cake doesn't come along that often.  Those thoughts clashed with thoughts of wanting to make a better, healthier choice for me.  The war raged in my head for thirty minutes.  THIRTY MINUTES!  I watched as others enjoyed their cake and continued fighting with myself.  The end result?  Surprisingly, I walked away without eating the cake.  That is the first time I have refused wedding cake.  

I am hoping that small victory over food will help encourage and strengthen me and make me stronger mentally.  

I am working so hard on changing my mind because I want my body to change.  I am committing to myself to be my best self.  2015 is my year - my year to act.  I saw this and it helped to build my resolve.  

An Open Letter to My Family and Friends

Dear Family and Friends,

It has been one week since I officially took charge of my health.  I worked so hard last week.  I meal planned, worked out (sometimes twice a day!), wore my vivofit and tracked my steps daily, and stuck to the meals that I had planned out.  Thinking about this week, I feel empowered.  I feel motivated.  I want to keep going, but I need your help.

You see, I have been "good" or on track for one week - one week.  I am trying to undo YEARS and YEARS of unhealthy habits.  I need you to realize that it is going to take time.  I am spending the time now to reteach myself about nutrition and portion sizes.  I have realized that my battle all along has really been on the nutrition side.  I am pretty active and don't mind working out.  Sometimes, I daresay, I enjoy it.  Working out isn't enough, though.  The nutrition is the part that I am struggling with.

How can you help me with this?  Here are some ways:

1.  Don't offer me food - especially sweets.  I am a bona fide sweet addict.  I struggle with controlling my sweet tooth, and it will be REALLY hard for me to turn you down.

2.  At the same time, don't judge me or say things like, "Should you be eating that?" if you do see me eating something sweet.  That could cause a couple of things to happen ranging from me throwing something at you (pretty unlikely) to feeling guilty and then secretly binge eating even more later on (more likely).

3.  Eating out may be a challenge for me.  I enjoy going out to eat.  Shoot, there were times (in my past) that I would go out to eat for every single meal of the day.  I like seeing my family and friends, and I want to spend time with you. I would love to find other ways to spend time with you.  Now, this does not mean that I will not go out to eat again.  That is just unrealistic, and quite frankly, I really enjoy it.  I am just going to have to plan to go out to eat.  That will take planning on my part and perhaps scouring the menu a little longer than normal to find healthier options,

4.  Speaking of going out to eat AND my sweet tooth - definitely don't ask me if I want dessert.  Because I am going to want dessert.  I am weak.  Help me out.

5.  Understand that I may have to avoid some situations.  They may just be too tempting at this point. For example, I may have to eat lunch in my room on the days that we have pitch-ins because frankly, our staff can bring some AMAZING food in on pitch-in days.

6.  If you invite me over to your house, please do not be offended if I ask what you are serving.  This will help me know what I can eat and what I should avoid.  It also helps me know if I am going to need to eat a little something before I come over so I don't go crazy at your house.

I am sure as I continue on this journey I am going to learn new things about myself.  There may be some other things that come up that I will need your help.  I already know that I have amazing family and friends.  I have to advocate for myself now, and I know that all of you will understand and be supportive.  Once I start to better understand the nutrition that my body needs to fuel itself in a healthy manner then it will get easier.  I just have to reteach and retrain my brain and body.

Thank you, my dear loved ones, for supporting me so far.  It means so much to me and encourages me more than each of you will ever know.  Your love and support has given me the courage to put my goals into action - which is exactly what 2015 is all about.

Love,
Me

Words of encouragement from a friend this week

Second Annual Shake Family 5K

Last year my mom's family started a tradition at our New Year's gathering.  We had a 5K and enjoyed ourselves so much we decided to continue the tradition.  What a great way to celebrate the new year and focus on being more active - walking 3.1 miles!  This year we became even more official by having t-shirts made.  My Uncle Steve designed the t-shirts, and I loved them!  Here is a picture of some of the participants in their t-shirts:

Aren't we adorable?

This year was a lot colder than last year was.  I wore fleece lined leggings, sweatpants, a long sleeved t-shirt, my official 5K t-shirt, and a sweatshirt over that (sweatshirt is missing in photo so we match).  I wore a hat and gloves, too.  It was cold when we started out, but as we got going I started warming up and was a lot more comfortable.  Layers are a great way to avoid wearing a coat!

Our 5K route took us from the house to the park in Washington.  From there we walked around the lake and then out of the park back to the house.  It was a very scenic route, and we had a lot of fun.  I really enjoyed spending time with my cousins and catching up on what is going on with them.

****I am getting ready to talk about something that involves swearing and hurt feelings.  Reader discretion is advised.****  As wonderful as it was spending time with my family and starting the year by being active and completing a 5K together, I have to share something that happened to me during our walk.  We were walking together generally, but my cousin and I had fallen behind the others.  As we were walking around the lake, there were a couple of guys that I did not notice at the time.  We passed by the truck they were in, and I was listening to my cousin tell me about her friends.  All of a sudden, I hear a guy yell out, "Baby, your a** is so fat!"  I was in shock.  My cousin and I kept walking, but I was dying on the inside.  I felt embarrassed and humiliated, and I HATED that my sweet eighth grade cousin had to be put in that situation.  I had to choke back the tears because I didn't want her to see me upset.  I have been out running and walking in many different places all around the United States, and this is the first time that someone has said something derogatory towards me.  I did the only thing I could think of to do, I just kept my head up high and ignored them.  Fortunately, they did not say anything else to us, and my cousin and I continued on our way.

I know that everything in my journey is not going to go smoothly.  The important thing is that I don't give up.  I have to continue to put things in action.

 

2015 - Act!

As part of the Design Your Destiny course that I took at the end of 2014, one of the exercises was coming up with a word to represent 2015.  Honestly, I was hesitant to do this.  Part of the reason is that I have known other people that have done this, and they drove me crazy with their words.  I know - weird.  I wasn't really thinking about it until I saw this picture:

This got me thinking.  I had already started my year in a much better place because of all of the goal setting and planning I had done during the Design Your Destiny course.  What could really make this year the year that changes everything?  Action.  And then it was confirmed.  2015 is the year that I act on the goals that I have made.

I began researching the word act.  The definition for act is: take action; do something.  That is EXACTLY what I need to do in 2015.  I need to take action.  I need to do something.  In essence, I need to become a woman of my word.  I need to stop SAYING and start DOING.

I saw this quote, and it spoke to me:

I have been filled with doubt and fear for most of my life.  It is time I go out and get busy.  It is time that I act.  

Now I know that some of you are rolling your eyes or thinking things like yea, right, Allison, I will see it when I believe it.  Guess what?  I am doing the exact. same. thing.  Part of me is being super negative and fighting those voices in my head that tell me that I am just going to fail - again.  That haunts me.

But there is something different about this time.  There is part of me that is feeling hopeful and determined and most importantly, ready to act.  2015 is the year that I will act.