Mind Games

This past week has been one mental battle after another.  I mean, if you saw all of the thoughts in my head, you would call me crazy!

The first battle that came up and I have to deal with continuously is the scale.  Now, since I have started eating healthier and working out consistently, I have lost weight.  I lost weight my first week and I lost weight my second week.  Reason to celebrate, right?  One would think...but do you know what I wrestled with?  I was disappointed that I did not lose as much the second week as I did the first week.  Seriously?!?!?  What is wrong with me?  It is that kind of thinking that I HAVE to change, or I will sabotage myself in this journey.  

I know that some would suggest to me that I shouldn't weigh myself, and that might work for some people.  At this point, I don't think it will work for me.  I am still learning how to eat better and I want to make sure that I am doing it right.  Weighing in will help me with that.  I just need to make sure I only weigh in once a week and not climb on the scale multiple times throughout the week. Another reason is that I am participating in a weight loss competition, and I am required to weigh-in. I joined the competition as yet another way to keep me accountable.  

Another mental battle I fought this week is dessert - more specifically cake, even more specifically wedding cake.  

I was at a wedding, and of course, I knew that wedding cake would be involved.  I already passed one test by filling three-fourths of my plate with vegetables and salad and the other fourth of the plate with cheese tortellini and a small piece of garlic bread.  Old Allison would have filled three-fourths of her plate with cheese tortellini and tons of garlic bread, and then if there was room, put some veggies or salad on the plate.  You would have thought that small victory would have made this mental battle easier, but it didn't.  

In fact, I am almost sure it made it worse.  I started thinking things like you were good at dinner so what is one piece of wedding cake?  Or, how many weddings are there?  Wedding cake doesn't come along that often.  Those thoughts clashed with thoughts of wanting to make a better, healthier choice for me.  The war raged in my head for thirty minutes.  THIRTY MINUTES!  I watched as others enjoyed their cake and continued fighting with myself.  The end result?  Surprisingly, I walked away without eating the cake.  That is the first time I have refused wedding cake.  

I am hoping that small victory over food will help encourage and strengthen me and make me stronger mentally.  

I am working so hard on changing my mind because I want my body to change.  I am committing to myself to be my best self.  2015 is my year - my year to act.  I saw this and it helped to build my resolve.